Sunday, June 26, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
I seriously had a case of insomnia last night. Er, this morning? What do you call it when you get home around two in the morning and then don't fall asleep until six thirty?
Or maybe it wasn't insomnia. Maybe it was just winding down.
Either way, Zee was worried about me. I had to be awake again in six hours to get ready for my Saturday afternoon/evening shift - which I am currently at...
We had a discussion this morn- er, afternoon about energy drinks versus water. This is a common debate between us. She is pro-water (to the point of obsession), and I am pro-anythingelse (to the point of as long as it's not tasteless water).
Now, don't get me wrong. I do drink water. Not often, to be sure, but I can recognize when there's a thirst upon me that requires the quenching tastelessness of water.
I simply prefer sweet tea. Or gatorade.
In any case, it makes me smile a goofy grin when she gets all worried and concerned over me. It's wonderful to be loved.
Shift starts in a few minutes. Gonna drink this GATORADE...
...and then go fill up a cup of water to drink during my shift like I promised Zee.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
|e ajnabi tu bhi kabhii awaaz de kahii.n se||Hey stranger, you're calling out from somewhere too.|
|mai.n yahaa.n TukDo me.n jii raha huu.n||I'm living here in pieces --|
|tuu kahii.n TukDo.n me.n jii rahii hai||somewhere you're living in pieces, too.|
|roz roz resham sii hava aate-jaate kahatii hai bata||Each day, as it comes and goes, the silken wind says, "Tell me!"|
|resham si hava kahatii hai bata||The silken wind says, "Tell me!"|
|vo jo duudh dhulii maasuum kalii||The one who is like a pale, innocent flowerbud --|
|vo hai kahaa.n kahaa.n hai||that girl, where, where is she?|
|vo roshanii kahaa.n hai||Where is her light?|
|vo jaan si kahaa.n hai||The one who is my very life - where is she?|
|mai.n adhura tuu adhuri jii rahii hai||I am incomplete, and you're only half-alive.|
|tuu to nahii.n hai lekin terii muskaraahaT hai||You're not here, but your smile is.|
|chehara kahii.n nahii.n hai par terii aahaTe.n hai||Your face is nowhere to be found, but the sound of your footsteps are.|
|tuu hai kahaa.n kahaa.n hai||Where are you, where?|
|tera nishaan kahaa.n hai||Where is there a sign of you,|
|mera jahaa.n kahaa.n hai||where is my world?|
|mai.n adhura tu adhuri jii rahii hai||I'm incomplete, and you're only half-alive.|
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
K - I - N - D - L - E
I feel like this is a common theme in my blog, but I want to talk about it again today.
Because I like lists, let's use a list.
One) I've been feeling like a failure because at my new job, people keep asking, "So what do you do?" Everyone wants to know "my story" or "my thing."
What's sad is I don't know what my story or thing is. And apparently serving is only a valid job when it's a second job. I rationalize to my coworkers (and myself) that this is only a summer job, so therefore I don't need to have another "grown-up" job. I don't need to have "my thing" yet.
I've also heard, "If I had gone to college, I wouldn't be working here." And, of course, this is stated after I've mentioned going to college in Knoxville.
Gee. Thanks. I feel a lot better about the last six years of my life.
At the end of my first real night working, I told the club's musician that I want to be a writer, but I needed to make money. He then dogged me for not just going after my "dream." He said, "Musicians don't play music to make money. They play because they love music."
I've gotten several more talkings-to along this thread for the past seven days.
The problem is I'm not sure I have a dream. I do know I have useless fantasies that come and go. Going after one of my "dreams" would be like swearing on the moon.
"O, swear not by the moon, the fickle moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes hin her circle orb, lest that they love prove likewise variable."
Two) I haven't completed my to-do list for today. It was a simple list. Do Laundry. Study club's menu. Write 1500 words.
Sure, this was my first day off in a week, but still.... What a short list! Easy.
I slept until 1:00. I texted Zee until 2:30. I watched a Bollywood movie with my sister. I did do some laundry. I ate. I watched Grey's Anatomy.
And that is it.
Three) I had a great post in mind for yesterday, based off my job interview yesterday. But I had a chance to make some money by picking up a shift at the club! I took it and I'm glad I did!
I mean, did you make $130 in seven hours last night?
Any sex workers reading this need not answer.
I have officially missed three days of blogging in Zee's absence.
I got called into work so last-minute I didn't have time to write last night. I thought I could maybe briefly post from work, but that was a lie I told myself.
The real question is, when will I stop making excuses for myself?
When will I stop saying, "This is just a summer job"?
When will I stop saying, "It's my day off - I deserve this"?
When will I stop putting off the things I ultimately want?
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
I need to re-evaluate my blog posting schedule. Usually I write at the end of my day, to mark that another day is done. However, my new job has greatly changed my time-table. I got off work at the same time as my trainer, and she was the first cut. I still didn't get home until 10:30, which doesn't leave a whole lot of wiggle room for blog writing.
Oh, well. Day-time posting it is.
I'm really going to enjoy this night schedule. It's PERFECT while Zee is gone, and I can make friends with people at work, who keep the same hours as me.
I want to say a HUGE thank you for all the suggestions you left on my last post. I'm putting her package together tomorrow and Saturday (our anniversary has kinda snuck up on me), and now I think I can do our ONE YEAR justice.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Every now and then, I come across an object in my apartment that so strongly reminds me that Zee isn't some figment of my imagination. That alternate reality, so dream-like at times, really does exist and will be mine again soon.
When these moments happen, I want to take that object, curl around it, and cry with a mixture of gratitude and longing.
Tonight the object was a box of sugar. Tomorrow, who knows...
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Woooow, I've never come so close to forgetting to update before.
I don't have internet here, so yay for smart phones!!
Tonight I'm chilling in what I call my "home town," even though I only lived here four years. I was an AMAZING sister and agreed to drive my sister two hours west so she could go to prom with all her old friends.
I don't mind driving. The only issue I have is an entire evening spent alone in our house. Especially since that serial kidnapper just hit up our county. Eek!!
I'm distracting myself with Star Trek Tech and Say Yes To The Dress. And figuring out this new blogging app.
Did I say I was distracting myself? Because that's very true. I can't focus on this.