Thursday, May 19, 2011

Day 169

I'm waiting for my moment to come
I'm waiting for the movie to begin
I'm waiting for a revelation
I'm waiting for someone to count me in

Cuz now I only see my dreams in everything I touch
Feel their cold hands on everything I love
Cold like some magnificent skyline
Out of my reach, but always in my eyeline

I will come back and finish this post later. I have errands and then work and then my brother coming home and then sister's graduation tomorrow!

I've often said the only constant in my life is change.

I have this thing where I get antsy when I stay in one place for too long.

I start to see that I am forming a routine. I notice that I am becoming comfortable. I start to imagine myself one, two, five, ten years down the road, in the same place.

And I have a panic attack.

This whole scenario applies to jobs also.
As a result, I haven't worked anywhere longer than two years.

The two-year record was made at Salon Visage in Knoxville. I absolutely loved my job there, loved my co-workers, and loved my friends. As I approached the two years, I knew I could see myself settling down into the company. I saw myself ten years down the road, still working at the salon, still living in Knoxville, and pretending to be satisfied with the small successes I made within the Visage Company.

I knew I had to get out of Knoxville.

But I've had a new kind of experience that somewhat relates to all this.

Remember I had the second interview for the writing gig?

Yeah. I went to it. I looked amazing. And I threw myself under the bus.

The Boss-Guy was talking about how he wanted someone who would grow with the company. Start from the bottom and work to the top. That scenario, you know?

I immediately knew this was not what I wanted.
I want the gig where I go in, get some "professional" writing experience, and get out.

Now, usually, I say everything I need to in order to get a job. I can follow up on my promises, no matter how much I may have bull-shitted them.

This time, however, I was flat-out honest.

"My girlfriend is in the military, and we probably won't be here more than a year from now."

Signed, sealed, delivered.
I'm not yours.

So I feel as though I'm back at square one.
I still don't have that great writing opportunity wherein I finally pursue my "dream."

That's why this song means so much to me lately. I feel like I'm just waiting.

I'm waiting because I'm not sure where to go.

So I'll keep on picking up every year or so, and I'll go to a new job or a new place. I will continue at this pace until I find my direction.


  1. I like this a lot!

  2. What a great song! I've never seen this video before. Great song choice this week! Sending you hugs too! Everything will work out, as it should in the end. Sometimes it's just hard to see that when your living through each moment!

  3. God I love Keane. Great song pick and you'll find the right opportunity for you, the one that will grow as you grow and make you happy.


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