Saturday, May 14, 2011

Day 174

Okay, completely fell off the wagon. Between Blogger shutting down for a millennium and me adjusting to my new schedule, I've missed a day in posting.


I've also screwed up my M'Aidez Challenge by getting a job. But I've promised my friend Spargo 1500 more words by our next Skype conversation, so I'm sure I'll find the time around working, studying for work, and putting together Zee's anniversary package.

Speaking of which, I found a box of fake rose petals at Walmart...

...for $10 per teensy, tiny box.

Are you kidding me??

In other news, I'm feeling kinda down, despite the high of learning the works of this new, fun job.

There are two things in particular that I hate about deployment.

ONE... I hate at how I become accustomed to her absence. Even now, only a few weeks after she's gone back (it seems like it was a century ago), our time together during R&R feels like a dream. It shouldn't feel normal to be without her. But at least the missing doesn't really ever go away...

TWO... Speaking of missing, I also hate how deployment keeps my emotional needs from getting satisfied. I also also hate how I feel guilty for making any emotional demands (even though I am in every way entitled) because I realize how stressful her job is. I recognize that of all the factors in her life making demands of her right now, my needs are less immediate. Therefore, they can potentially fall to the wayside. Is that messed up? Yes. Is it either of our faults? No. But even if she does have the time and energy to fully interact with me, it's never truly satisfying. Mind - I wouldn't trade those phone calls or chat logs for anything, but I'd be lying if I said at the end of the day, "Well, I feel like I've spent enough time with Zee today. I hope she doesn't call again, because I'd really rather be doing [insert activity]."

Stupid Army.


  1. Aww:( Deployments are a bum deal, babe. Feel better!

  2. I think your second point sums it up perfectly. After I hang up the phone, I instantly feel all alone again. If even I was able to call him instead of waiting for him to call me, I think that would make the suckiness of delpoyment a little more tolerable.


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