The other day, I had a not-so-fun conversation with Zee. I want to update and say that we had a VERY good conversation the following day.
This whole thing is something that a very small percentage of couples have to deal with, but relates to something all couples have.
With gay couples, family is extra-complicated.
Now I have been very blessed with my wonderful and amazing mother. Even though she disagrees religiously, she has never once stopped loving or accepting me.
In fact, when I came out to her, she was more upset that I had told my father before I had told her. I tried to explain that I wasn't as worried over my dad's reaction as I was her, but I don't think that mattered to her. But, oh my, it mattered to me.
See, when I first started understanding my sexuality, I began having the worst panic attacks. I have so many poems from high school where I tried to work out all that I was feeling. And all those poems boiled down to one message:
What is my mother going to think?
I was petrified of losing her respect, losing her love - just losing.
And that's something Zee's been going through, only even more so.
She doesn't want to come out to her family, but she feels that having me in her life makes that impossible. If nothing else, she feels guilty because one of the first things I said (...literally) on our very first date was that I don't want to live in the closet.
I mean, come on. Have you read my blog? Does it seem closety at all?
Well, I told Zee that I am very willing to make compromises for her family. I mean, I already have. I didn't have sex with her until our last day in New York because we were staying with her grandmother! If that's not compromise, I don't know what is. ;)
But all jokes aside. After that one rough conversation, I felt like she might choose her family over a relationship with me. And as much as it hurt to feel that way, I couldn't blame her. I couldn't be angry. I couldn't act like I don't understand.
Family is important.
But this post is to say that we had a conversation that made me feel very good. I know - and I never doubted - that she loves me, but it feels good to know that she's choosing me. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that, when (if?) her family finds out, they'll be far more loving and accepting than Zee predicts.
Kicked butt on the M'Aidez Challenge today.
An increase of 1,206!