Thursday, November 11, 2010

Day 358

My mind has felt like this the past few days. A cluttered, nonsensical mess that completely interferes with me writing.

I keep having ideas for what I want to write in here, or write to Zee, and then this miasma of other thoughts and emotions floats by and steals away my focus.

To make matters worse, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to this military & deployment stuff. I don't truly consider myself a military girlfriend. I'm not military at all. I'm just a girl who happened to fall in love with a girl who happens to be in the army. Dating Zee, I've come to learn that the military isn't just a job - it's a culture, a lifestyle, and its own little world with its own little guidelines. And I feel like a little person adrift, unaware of how to navigate the waters. I am attempting to keep a relationship strong across a year and thousands of miles, and I feel like I don't know all the rules. I couldn't go to any family readiness events. And besides Heather, I can't risk access to other families.

So I'm left with Google.

I don't feel like I need a lot. But I feel like I need something.

Am I even making any sense?

In other news -

I've never really paid attention to Veteran's Day before. I've never been too keen on "army stuff." Even when I thought about applying to the Air Force Academy, it was purely because I wanted to fly all over the world and learn languages. (Also because it's the least physically demanding branch...) If I'd ever been asked to shoot anything, I would have cried. I generally disagree with all wars, killing, fighting, etc. In fact, I'm pretty darn close to being a straight-up pacifist.

I have, however, always believed in supporting the soldiers, since the fight is rarely one of their choosing. And now that I have a girlfriend in the army, I feel obligated to give this day a nod.

So I think I've passed over this day of observance for so long is because it held no immediate importance for me. I didn't know anyone serving or who had served until I met Heather, and even then she does enough Hoo-Ah for Brandon that I don't feel a need to chime in.

But those days are gone. Hello new world with extra holidays, extra rules, and a beautiful soldier whom I love.

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