Sunday, November 14, 2010

Day 355

Today is definitely a difficult "missing her day". Probably because this is my first off day in a week. The first day I haven't had something to distract me. Still no NaNoWriMo. I plan on calling IBM tomorrow to see if they can fix this computer error I'm getting.

I started this blog thinking it'd be good to give the point of view of a girl missing a female soldier, since there's so little representation for gays in the military. But the more I write, the more I realize that there isn't a difference from an emotional point of view. Just from an informational one.


Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for

I'm interpreting this as something I have yet to forgive myself for. And in that case, it's acting like a complete and utter idiot for two and a half years.

I was in an absolutely awful relationship for that amount of time, and, despite very frank interventions by friends and family, I refused to listen. I was so sure that no one could ever love me, I thought I might as well take the little love I had

So, even though I was unhappy - knew I was unhappy - knew my friends and family weren't happy for me - I continued trying to save a relationship with someone who had absolutely no respect for me or the relationship.

This ex cheated on me repeatedly, put down everything I had a passion for, was completely unwilling to make comprises, but demanded everything from me, and I didn't have the backbone to say "enough."

Sadly, even though it was over two years ago, I don't know when I'll be able to forgive either of us, but it's something that I'm working on. The last thing in the world I want is for my anger and guilt from an old relationship to in any way affect the beautiful home I'm building with Zee.

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