Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Day 269

It is only appropriate that the first day of the Countdown to Valentine's Day is Day 269.


But without any further ado, it's time for....

The Lesbian of Looooooooooove!!!

There's still time to submit your questions!

If there's anything YOU want to know about Lesbians, just send your email to

{{ kindle.rouse@gmail.com }}

Today's Question Is:

"When did you know for sure that chicks were your main dish?
Are you ever attracted to dudes?"

This is a question that Lezzzzzbians (and gay people in general) get asked a lot.
(all extra z's are added for comedic and sarcastic value & do not reflect any webster-approved spelling)

And yet it is a question that Lezzzzzbians rarely ask each other.

I find that funny.

When did I know for sure? That's hard to say. I can only say, so far, I have had three revelations.

And the more Lezzzzzbian Literature I read, the more I realize these revelations aren't so uncommon.

A revelation is a moment when you think, "Oh! I really am gay."

Excuse me while I take a deep breath.

I started contemplating "alternative sexuality" when I was thirteen. It was cool, and I wasn't disgusted by the idea of kissing girls (and I somehow completely ignored the fact that I still couldn't stomach the idea of kissing boys).

As I went on to high school, I "experimented" a bit (as much as a goody-two-shoes can), but I still didn't have my first kiss with a guy until my senior year.

But it wasn't until I was in college that I had my first revelation.

A friend asked me this very same question, and, to answer, I began listing all my Lezzzzzbian Interactions since childhood. (Yes. Childhood.)

As the list went on and on and on and on and on, I started having an epiphany.

Then my friend asked how many guys I'd been involved with.

The list was... short. Miniscule. Practically obselete.

And the epiphany struck.

This wasn't a phase. This wasn't experimenting. I have always been more inclined to girls. Wow.

My second revelation was when I worked at Texas Roadhouse.

Guys have always hit on me. I'm a cutie, what can I say. ;) But a guy hitting on me freaks me out. It's like I've just been pulled over by the police for going 40 over the speed limit and I have four tickets on my record already.

Freaking out.

Guys at the Roadhouse were hitting on me. I quietly panicked while laughing and shrugging them off.

And then one day, a coworker says, "Hey, there's a girl here who likes you. She's totally thinking about asking you out."

Now, I had a girlfriend. And I thought my reaction to the boys at the Roadhouse was because I was "committed."

Oh no.

"There's a girl who likes you." --->> I instantly become a shark ready to stalk her prey.

When the conversation ends and I'm left to my own thoughts, I have my second revelation. Wow. I am really gay.

The third revelation was after my "committed" relationship ended. I decided to explore my bisexuality. For about a year, I bounced between boys and girls like a tennis ball at a sexual Wimbledon.

At the end of that year, I was evaluating my experiences, looking for common denominators. I was attempting to figure myself out, and, oh boy, I did just that.

I realized two things.

One, I like my girls to look like girls, but to have "masculine" characteristics. Not too much, just slightly. I like them to toe the line of gender-bending, while still very much being girls.

Two, I like my boys to be girls. The more effeminate they are, the better. The only way I want them to be boys is the same way I want my girls to be boys. Assertive. In fact, I realized that the boys I had fooled around with were often questioned about their sexuality - much to their dismay.

I realized that "girl" was the underlying factor in my attraction, and had my third revelation. Wow. I am really and undeniably gay.

Now, I prefer to say "bisexual."

Even though the first time I introduced myself as bisexual, the girl I told immediately asked me if I had slept around a lot. I didn't call myself bisexual for another three years after that.

I like "bisexual" because I get far less weird looks that way.

Which brings me to the second part of the question.

"Are you ever attracted to dudes?"

On the rare occasion, yes. They are usually extremely effeminate. Haha.

Or Han Solo.

But I am very much gay.

Like, gimme boobies, please.

Like, I lied to myself throughout high school, saying I only checked out girls' asses because guys don't have any.

Like, I happily browse lingerie ads just to admire thighs and boobs.

And by "admire" I mean....

Like, woah. I. Am. Gay.

But I can still sometimes see a guy and think, "Yeah, I'd hit that."

Unfortunately, most of humanity seems to operate on a binary system.

Either you are gay.

Or you are straight.

Either you like only boys.

Or you like only girls.

So if I check out a boy and admit it, immediately people around me start having voyeur identity crisis. "But! But! What?! I thought you were gay??!"

Yes. I am gay.

But just because you are straight, it doesn't mean you didn't totally checked out the hot soft butch Lezzzzzbian who walked by you.

And if you were honest with yourself, you thought, "Oh yeah. Doable."

We are all far more bisexual than we give ourselves credit for - even guys.

Finally, I think that I am more able to admit to this bisexuality (however slight it is) because I am a very feminine person who has grown up in American society, which dictates that, as a female, I should be attracted to men.

This is why it took me (and most other femme Lezzzzzbians) a little while longer to own up to my gayness. I'm a girl. I'm supposed to like boys. What other options are there?

And then when I did fool around with girls, I was able to make excuses because I'm supposed to like boys.

But I couldn't find any excuse for why I wasn't liking boys.

I think this is probably very different for Lezzzzzbians who have gender issues in addition to sexuality issues.

(Now, by "issues" I do not mean they are "problems." However, it is very difficult to become adjusted to the fact you operate differently from how your family and your community dictates that you should.)

I personally believe that had I been far more masculine, I would have identified sooner with men in my surroundings. And, taking cues from them, I would have admitted to liking girls sooner as well.

This, in my opinion, is what explains the discrepancy between Lezzzzzbians who "figure it out" in their childhood and Lezzzzzbians who "figure it out" well into adulthood.

But, honestly, no two people are alike. So every story in answer to this question is going to be different.

I hope this adequately has answered your question. :)


  1. Haha!! "Gimme boobies"!!

    2nd question...Did you have to do the Texas Roadhouse waitress line dance?

  2. Have I told you lately that I love you?

    Haha this is awesome!

  3. Oh man. I love this post! :) Awesome! Thanks for sharing!

  4. After years and years of gayness -because boobs rock my world- and having the "nah, you are bi" phrase thrown at me daily (even by my therapist), I started exploring and... well, everybody was right. I am bi very bi, like Wimbledon bi because gender doesn't apply to me.

    And I agree: you're a cutie :)


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