Friday, April 1, 2011

Day 217

I've just enough beers to set my emotions on that tender precipice where I feel everything with perfect clarity and where I feel everything too much.

It's a nice place to be until I tip over into "feeling too much."

At work, my boss keeps asking me, "Well, are you excited??"

See, they've absolutely guaranteed my week off for Zee's R&R. And that's awesome.

But they don't give anything for free. They make you pay in guilt trips, their own martyrdom, or in your gratitude.

And apparently, I'm not acting excited/grateful enough to suit the magnitude of their gift to me.

So every day, she asks me, "Ooh, how excited are you??"

And I smile and say, "Very."

Then I go back to work.

I'd like to know how y'all react.

Heather said she reacts in much the same way as me.

I described my feelings this past week as such:

"yes, I'm excited. But I'm also pouting because I want her here NOW. They {my bosses} feel they deserve me jumping up and down screaming , "YAY, ZEE!"

I'm sorry. I just want to go home.
I want to lie in bed, read a book, and watch the little countdown on my phone.
I want to clean and fix my car.
I want to call the cabins to confirm our registration.
I want to buy shoes to go with my dress.
I want to pack my clothes next to hers.
THAT'S my excitement."

I'm ready for her to be home, if even for a little while. I'm desperate for the her warmth and her smiles. I'm not meant to be without her.

So I am excited. But my excitement is that focused calm, where you can only see the end in sight, and you don't want to blink for fear of it disappearing.

Btw, if I suddenly disappear for, like, seven days - I haven't died. I'm simply kissing and loving my girl, wishing I had more than a week to soak her up.

But seriously - Am I weird for not doing cartwheels? I think the day of I'll be nothing but jumping jitters, but right now I just have to get through these last days. Heather says that's quite normal, but I want to know what it's like for y'all as well.


  1. i know what you's sort of exasperating when people want to know all about your overwhelming excitement, and all you want to do is get centered and focused until their plane hits the ground. hope that you really enjoy your time together :)

  2. I was the very opposite. I was beyond excited in the days/weeks leading up to R&R. Then the day finally got there and I was just kind of numb, like I didn't really believe I was going to get to see Husband in real life. The first few hours he was home, I still couldn't believe it!

  3. This leads me to believe it's relatively soon (I know you can't say) so I'm SO EXCITED for you!

    As for me, I seriously get grouchy/weird and almost depressed/anxious sometimes. I'm a raging bitch right before he leaves every time too, but when I get close to seeing him, he always says I "give up" at the end.

    I don't know why. I think I get impatient and nervous about making things perfect and always by the time we're seeing each other it's been incredibly long and I get cranky and pissed I even HAVE to wait like this because GODDAMN THE ARMY WHY DID I MARRY INTO THIS CRAP?! and I'm just a mess.

    Yeah I'm a spaz.

    And whatever your reaction, it's completely normal.

    I tend to get more excited as everything gets closer but a lot of it is internal and people prodding me about being excited just makes me want to muffpunt them...


  4. I think that with the military there is always a chance of disappointment. So I do not get excited until I am at the place where he will show up within hours of his arrival. THAT'S when you get excited. Plus when you have someone constantly asking you are you excited, and they have NO idea how you have felt, or what you are feeling, it is quite annoying and kills any buzz you have for your love one coming home. I get it.

  5. this is beautiful. enjoy love. say hi to zee for us!

  6. Totally norm and I hate when other people have expectations for your level of excitement. I go internal when I'm stressed or excited.


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