Day 189

I know, I know, I know.

You probably want to hear all the dish about how our R&R went.

And I will get to it.

Sunday, sound good?

Actually, Sunday is the first day of a new project.

A project I will announce tomorrow.

A project I will need all your encouragement on.

Until then...

TWO THINGS

1. I'm nearing 200 Posts soon.

Two-effing-Hundred

Which means that I'm just getting closer and closer

to being THROUGH with this deployment!

Yessssssssssss.

2. I saw something today that blew me away.

At the McDonald's Drive-Thru Window

(I'm a SUCKAH for their sweet tea)

the Drive-Thru Attendant

was

texting.

Not furtively under the register texting.

No.

In My Face

Texting.

This explains why I had to repeat my order

from the DOLLAR MENU

multiple times.

He left the phone sitting on the window sill.

I was tempted to grab it.

He continued to text while taking the next order.

Leaving me sitting outside.

Needless to say

but I'll say it anyways

I tattled on him at the next window.

I know, I know, I know.

No one likes a tattle tale.

But I don't like being ignored for a text at the Drive-Thru.

Day 190

Tonight as I showered, I imagined I was bathing in the Ganges...

I closed my eyes and saw the banks, with its scattered patches of grass. Stones steps, worn smooth over millenia, lead down into the water. An old woman selling scraps of soap soaks her feet in the waters. Children splash while their mothers wash clothes. Old men wax philosophy next to the cool mists. Across the way, a mourning family, all in white, does the last rites for their departed loved one, spreading ashes into the river.

They say that the Ganges has spiritual and healing properties. I feel a need for this in my life right now.

My lover is in pain, and I feel I can do little to help. She is on an emotional journey, with an outcome I cannot predict. It has left me feeling fragile and helpless.

I am a very different sort of person than Zee. I am who I am with very few regrets, and even fewer apologies. It has gotten me in trouble a few times, but, for the most part, I have been fortunate.

That is not who Zee is. In fact, the Army suits her very well. Her life isn't just her own. It also belongs to her comrades, her community, her friends, her family.

And me.

With so many parts of you making such high demands, the strain of being pulled in a million different directions has to be exhausting, confusing, and very, very painful.

She doesn't live her life unapologetically. And I adore that in her. She is so aware, always. And she keeps it all hidden behind those brown eyes and shy smile.

I can only understand a fraction of what she's going through right now

but I'm doing my best.

I can only offer so many words of comfort

but I'm trying.

So I imagined bathing in the Ganges - hoping that my infatuation with India doesn't scare Zee away someday - and I prayed. The water that fell over my shoulders wasn't sterile and dead, but was a living, breathing entity that has made the journey of life a billion times over. I imagined all the lives the water had touched, held, and encouraged. I prayed that the same water would find its way to my love, even in the midst of a desert. That the drops that poured over my closed eyes and dripped off my fingertips would flow to her, carrying these prayers, hopes, and dreams.

Keep her safe, where I cannot protect her.

Keep her whole, where I cannot hold her together.

Keep her warm and loved, where I cannot reach.

Amen.

Day 191

This morning I watched her dress.

The black sports bra and black Under Armour.

The baggy pants.

Tan short sleeve shirt.

A tan belt cinched around her hips.

Green jacket left unbuttoned.

Black socks tucked her her pants.

Pants tucked into her boots.

Shoe strings wrapped around twice.

Jacket zipped, velcroed, and set in place.

Hair in a bun.

Cap.

With each item covering her nakedness from my sight

I felt the Army was taking her away from me again.

I had to cover my mouth to keep from crying.

Not that it mattered. I didn't succeed.

Yes, bloggy world.

She's gone.

So that means I'm back.

Day 203

Why Hello!

This is a post from the paaaaaaaaaaast!

I can't stay long.

I'm busy with my boo.

I just want to say that I'm being FEATURED!

TODAY!

By Amber at One Me, Two Monsters!

I know you've missed me.

So here's a chance to get a lil' dose of good old fashioned

KINDLE!

Please, go check it (and her!!) out!

Day 207

The Eagle Has Landed.

See y'all in two weeks.

:)

Day 208

Ok, I'm sorry. I had this planned to write this funny, off-the-cuff post today.

But then today happened.

To say I've been stressed today, would be a severe understatement.

In fact, I've been in complete freak-out mode all day.

Talking to some wonderful ladies (THANK YOU!) helped a ton, but talking to my girlfriend was the ultimate balm.

I'm feeling a lot better, and I'm SO EXCITED to be with her soon.

But this is short, because stress is exhausting.

And bad for my breakouts.

But great for my postponing my period.

You win some; You lose some.

P.S. thank you EVERYONE for all your wonderful support! I'll have decent posts coming your way SOON!

Day 209

First, I want to say big THANK YOU to Erin at Every Branch for passing on the Stylish Blogger Award to me. Love, love, love, love. :)

Since I've already done the rounds for all my styyyylishhhhhness, forgive me if I don't do them again.

So, I know that everyone has been super freaked out about the government shut-down and the potential loss of pay. I also know that everyone is super relieved that didn't happen. Awesome.

Personally, I didn't worry one bit.

I have had bigger things to worry about.

"Bigger" is an inappropriate term, but it's what I have to work with right now.

What are these problems??

Pimples.

And.

Periods.

I have been freaking BREAK-OUT CITY over here (and considering my high school horrors with acne, this is no small thing), and I'm terrified that my body will for once want to stick to a cycle and gush while I'm trying to get my freak on.

I remember that I said once that lesbians will have sex, even while on their periods.

However!!

This is not preferred.

Especially for reunion sex.

Please, God, Moon, Body, Womankind - love me and slow this cycle. Let me have my week with Zee.

(I don't think God, the Moon, my Body, or Womankind is listening...)