Day 268

Thank you for checking out my first day of the Lesbian of Love! But we've got a few more days left before Valentine's Day!

So if you have any questions you've always wanted to ask a lesbian (but felt it was too awkward), please send them to...

{{ kindle.rouse@gmail.com }}

All questions will be kept anonymous.

To answer the question left by The Lady in my last post:

No, I never did any Roadhouse Line Dance, but my wifey and milspouse blogger, Heather, did teach me how to give an awesome Roadhouse Yeeeeehaw for Birthday announcements!

And now it's time fooooooooooor............

The Lesbian of Looooooove!!

These next questions (and tomorrow's as well....) were submitted by an anonymous comedic best friend.

1.) Is it true that, when two lesbians have sex by scissoring, their mutual climax smells like Strawberry Shortcake and causes a bunny with a bandana to ride through the room on a Welsh corgi while "Is This Love?" by Whitesnake plays?

This could be true...

But we'll never really know...

Because Lesbians don't scissor.

"WHAT?!?!?" you ask. "NO SCISSORS?!?!?!"

"Say it's not so!"

It's true, folks. The concept of "scissoring" is one created by males to try to visualize how in the world lesbians could possibly have sex.

Every lesbian (having heard of scissoring) will likely try it once.

And, really, just once.

Because once is enough to tell you that it doesn't really work.

And even worse than that - it looks and feels awkward.

And doesn't sex have enough potential to be awkward on its own without adding scissoring to it?

The answer is yes.

2.) Being lesbians, I'm sure you often use toys for your sexual exploits. Is there some sense of emasculation or satisfaction you get from using a phallic device or strap on contraption? Does this, in a sense, give you the sensation that you are male for a moment?

Not gonna lie. Toys are fun. They aren't necessary, but they definitely can give a lesbian couple options.

They can give straight couples options, so ladies! Go check them out! :D

But there is something I'd like to address here. Often the question is posed - if you don't like guys, then why would you want to use phallic toys?

My answer to this is, just because we don't like dudes, it doesn't mean that our plumbing works any different.

This doesn't mean that all lesbians enjoy penetration, per se, but, if there is to be penetration, we prefer it to be done by a person with curves, boobs, sweet-smelling hair, and girly-bits.

Not a smelly boy.

But, back to the question, I do not think it gives me any sense of "maleness."

Not to lesbians, at least.

Maybe to ladies who are wanting to trans-gender.

But I, at least, have no desire to be a guy.

Potential TMI

so stop reading here

In fact, I can just barely look at dildos in real life. I want them felt and used, but not seen or heard. If I see one, I start blushing and giggling and feeling... well, awkward!

And no way in HECK will I ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever use a "life-like" dildo.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww.

I like my dildos to be purple or pink or blue, and I like shiny and sparkly!

If they can look like they just appeared from outer space, that would be wonderful.

And who can feel "masculine" when they have a pink, shiny/sparkly stick bobbing between their legs?

Speaking of...

If I'm wearing a dildo, I don't know whether to laugh or cringe.

Or stand there awkwardly, thinking, "Um... what do I do with this again?"

I hope this has adequately answered your questions. :)

Day 269

It is only appropriate that the first day of the Countdown to Valentine's Day is Day 269.

hehe.

But without any further ado, it's time for....

The Lesbian of Looooooooooove!!!

There's still time to submit your questions!

If there's anything YOU want to know about Lesbians, just send your email to

{{ kindle.rouse@gmail.com }}

Today's Question Is:

"When did you know for sure that chicks were your main dish?

Are you ever attracted to dudes?"

This is a question that Lezzzzzbians (and gay people in general) get asked a lot.

(all extra z's are added for comedic and sarcastic value & do not reflect any webster-approved spelling)

And yet it is a question that Lezzzzzbians rarely ask each other.

I find that funny.

When did I know for sure? That's hard to say. I can only say, so far, I have had three revelations.

And the more Lezzzzzbian Literature I read, the more I realize these revelations aren't so uncommon.

A revelation is a moment when you think, "Oh! I really am gay."

Excuse me while I take a deep breath.

I started contemplating "alternative sexuality" when I was thirteen. It was cool, and I wasn't disgusted by the idea of kissing girls (and I somehow completely ignored the fact that I still couldn't stomach the idea of kissing boys).

As I went on to high school, I "experimented" a bit (as much as a goody-two-shoes can), but I still didn't have my first kiss with a guy until my senior year.

But it wasn't until I was in college that I had my first revelation.

A friend asked me this very same question, and, to answer, I began listing all my Lezzzzzbian Interactions since childhood. (Yes. Childhood.)

As the list went on and on and on and on and on, I started having an epiphany.

Then my friend asked how many guys I'd been involved with.

The list was... short. Miniscule. Practically obselete.

And the epiphany struck.

This wasn't a phase. This wasn't experimenting. I have always been more inclined to girls. Wow.

My second revelation was when I worked at Texas Roadhouse.

Guys have always hit on me. I'm a cutie, what can I say. ;) But a guy hitting on me freaks me out. It's like I've just been pulled over by the police for going 40 over the speed limit and I have four tickets on my record already.

Freaking out.

Guys at the Roadhouse were hitting on me. I quietly panicked while laughing and shrugging them off.

And then one day, a coworker says, "Hey, there's a girl here who likes you. She's totally thinking about asking you out."

Now, I had a girlfriend. And I thought my reaction to the boys at the Roadhouse was because I was "committed."

Oh no.

"There's a girl who likes you." --->> I instantly become a shark ready to stalk her prey.

When the conversation ends and I'm left to my own thoughts, I have my second revelation. Wow. I am really gay.

The third revelation was after my "committed" relationship ended. I decided to explore my bisexuality. For about a year, I bounced between boys and girls like a tennis ball at a sexual Wimbledon.

At the end of that year, I was evaluating my experiences, looking for common denominators. I was attempting to figure myself out, and, oh boy, I did just that.

I realized two things.

One, I like my girls to look like girls, but to have "masculine" characteristics. Not too much, just slightly. I like them to toe the line of gender-bending, while still very much being girls.

Two, I like my boys to be girls. The more effeminate they are, the better. The only way I want them to be boys is the same way I want my girls to be boys. Assertive. In fact, I realized that the boys I had fooled around with were often questioned about their sexuality - much to their dismay.

I realized that "girl" was the underlying factor in my attraction, and had my third revelation. Wow. I am really and undeniably gay.

Now, I prefer to say "bisexual."

Even though the first time I introduced myself as bisexual, the girl I told immediately asked me if I had slept around a lot. I didn't call myself bisexual for another three years after that.

I like "bisexual" because I get far less weird looks that way.

Which brings me to the second part of the question.

"Are you ever attracted to dudes?"

On the rare occasion, yes. They are usually extremely effeminate. Haha.

Or Han Solo.

But I am very much gay.

Like, gimme boobies, please.

Like, I lied to myself throughout high school, saying I only checked out girls' asses because guys don't have any.

Like, I happily browse lingerie ads just to admire thighs and boobs.

And by "admire" I mean....

Like, woah. I. Am. Gay.

But I can still sometimes see a guy and think, "Yeah, I'd hit that."

Unfortunately, most of humanity seems to operate on a binary system.

Either you are gay.

Or you are straight.

Either you like only boys.

Or you like only girls.

So if I check out a boy and admit it, immediately people around me start having voyeur identity crisis. "But! But! What?! I thought you were gay??!"

Yes. I am gay.

But just because you are straight, it doesn't mean you didn't totally checked out the hot soft butch Lezzzzzbian who walked by you.

And if you were honest with yourself, you thought, "Oh yeah. Doable."

We are all far more bisexual than we give ourselves credit for - even guys.

Finally, I think that I am more able to admit to this bisexuality (however slight it is) because I am a very feminine person who has grown up in American society, which dictates that, as a female, I should be attracted to men.

This is why it took me (and most other femme Lezzzzzbians) a little while longer to own up to my gayness. I'm a girl. I'm supposed to like boys. What other options are there?

And then when I did fool around with girls, I was able to make excuses because I'm supposed to like boys.

But I couldn't find any excuse for why I wasn't liking boys.

I think this is probably very different for Lezzzzzbians who have gender issues in addition to sexuality issues.

(Now, by "issues" I do not mean they are "problems." However, it is very difficult to become adjusted to the fact you operate differently from how your family and your community dictates that you should.)

I personally believe that had I been far more masculine, I would have identified sooner with men in my surroundings. And, taking cues from them, I would have admitted to liking girls sooner as well.

This, in my opinion, is what explains the discrepancy between Lezzzzzbians who "figure it out" in their childhood and Lezzzzzbians who "figure it out" well into adulthood.

But, honestly, no two people are alike. So every story in answer to this question is going to be different.

I hope this adequately has answered your question. :)

Day 338

48 Weeks to Go

Ok, it has officially been a month. Where am I at emotionally?

After a month, things are beginning to level out around normal. I think that my life will be hectic and "unnormal" because of the holidays, but adjusting back to life without Zee... Well, it's getting there.

Now that the majority of the can't-focus hurting is behind me, I'm worried about other things.

For instance, intimacy is very important in maintaining a healthy relationship. How can you keep that aspect of a relationship alive when you're literally on opposite sides of the world? All the letters in the world won't change the awkwardness of seeing the person you love for the first time in six months. (5 months away...!) Is there any way to help that? Or will we find ourselves in a hotel room thinking, "Sooo... What do I do now?"

Couldn't we just text or something?

See the end of this post for extra awkward.

I also worry about how much can I demand from Zee. Her days seem to be pretty filled with work, exercise, and a healthy social life. Oh, and it's filled with a war zone. We mustn't forget that, right? So what's a reasonable amount of attention to demand? She already writes me every day (which is the highlight of my day), and then there are other occasional emails, and then a phone call once or twice a week. I shouldn't be greedy!

But then I'm in the break room at work, and all the girls in there are calling their boyfriends, husbands, significant others, and I get jealous. I want to call and check-in for no other reason than "just cause." I want to get off work everyday happy because I know I'm going home to the girl I love more than anyone else. I want her every day and all the time. And I had that, so going down to these few points of contact... It's rough.

And what's the worst is that I feel like a complete sappy crybaby.

Which I am not.

I figure this is what it's like for most everybody.

Day 20: Your Views on Drugs and Alcohol

Well, I think we've already established that I'm a bit of a slushie. Wine and beer can be my best friends. ...I think Heather's the wine and Spargo's the beer.

And as long as I don't start turning to alcohol habitually as a way to solve my problems, I think I'm okay.

As for drugs, I'm against them. The only thing I'm okay with is marijuana. Even though I don't prefer it myself, I view it almost as other alcohol. As long as you're of age, I'm not going to judge you.

All other drugs, however, are stooooopid. I don't see the point of so seriously messing with my body. I find the risk to be too great.

Pictured: Awkward