Day 328

I think I would be crushed if life caused me to miss a day of this blog. Then again, if I missed a day, that would mean that time is rushing by, right?

I got to talk to Zee today, and that automatically makes it an awesome day!

And I even have a Christmas Party and two bottles of merlot calling my name.

The only downside was that my party is me plus one. And I really wish I had Zee with me...

Anyways, I'm in a hurry and can barely type correctly. The party starts soon, and my sister didn't realize that she was supposed to bring her insulin home with her from school. So now I have to make an emergency run to Walgreens to make sure she can survive the weekend.

Day 30: Write a letter to yourself

Ok, really? I always find these things stupid. So even if I weren't in a rush, I wouldn't do it. I write enough for it to count as writing to myself. In fact, I write for myself all the time. So...

Done.

Day 329

Just knockin' down the days...

I wish I could say I understand all that's going on with Don't Ask Don't Tell at the moment. I haven't had time to read the articles, sadly. Work has been busy, leaving me exhausted. Hopefully Sunday I can read deeper into the issue and provide a summation of my opinion.

For now...

Tonight mom and I went to our favorite local Asian restaurant. It was delicious, of course. But towards the end of the meal, we start smelling something bad. I said, "Moldy shoes." Mom said, "Cat urine."

We compromised on, "Cat urine on moldy shoes."

Concerned, I brought up the odor to our waitress. She, unfortunately, was suffering sinus blockage in addition to a face-full of some lady's obnoxious vanilla perfume.

Our waitress then wondered out-loud, "Is it the table?" And she instantly bobbed her head down to the table level and took a long sniff. She paused, shook her head, and stood back up.

"No, not that..."

Mom was holding back her laughter. I was just flabbergasted.

We never did find out what the smell was.

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself and why.

I hope to become less selfish. I have a wonderful ego, sure, but sometimes I do become too self-absorbed.

I've said more than once that my relationships in life are what matter most, but I don't want to lose those through accidental negligence.

But thankfully those closest to me realize the magnitude of my ego, and they go a long way towards helping me focus on what is most important in life.

Day 330

Short post today. I'm going to see the Titans play the Colts in LP Field here in Nashville!!

And since I root for both teams, I'll win either way! Which means that for once my jinxing powers will be nullified. Yes!

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant? What would you do?

Zee has already threatened to get me pregnant several times now. I'm not sure how she was planning on doing this, but I'm thinking that it might be working. Over a month, and no "womanly blessings" have fallen upon me.

I would apologize for the TMI, but... Well, this is "30 days of honesty."

But I honestly have no idea what I would do at this point if I were to become the next victim of immaculate conception.

Would I offer myself to spiritual leaders to be revered and worshiped? Would I abort the baby out of fear of it being the antichrist? Would I simply go through the pregnancy quietly and then decide with Zee what to do with this little squirming, pooping alien?

Who knows...

Day 331

47 Weeks Remaining

When I listen to songs, I don't just appreciate the lyrics. I'm not just enjoying the emotion it evokes. I'm not just cresting on the music's swells.

I am also creating music videos. I choreograph each shot. I develop a plot line. I see the vivid or muted colors. I recreate the emotions.

I really want to look about finding a way onto the sets of video shoots, just to get my feet wet.

But lately, I've really entertained the idea of taking popular songs and re-shooting them from the "gay" perspective.

For instance, tonight I was listening to Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams" and I could imagine this entire video, a dedication to Zee.

I wear Greek-style white nightie, tied up with yellow ribbons, on a white bed. Opposite is Zee, separated by the thin film of a dream, fuzzy and distorted. A fingertip and a world away. And the chase begins through the different dreams. She changes outfits as she changes locations. I eventually catch up and the dream starts to dissolve, and as the song starts to end we clasp hands.

And of course there are inserts of some dancing, modelesque poses, and close-ups. But essentially that would be the video.

See? The song was from a girl to a guy, but change "boy" to "girl" and BOOM. Gay. Not "gay" as in stupid. "Gay" as in sexy.

I've done the gender switch with many songs. My favorite videos I've mentally prepared are set to "With Love" by Hilary Duff (don't judge me), "Me and You" by Cassie, "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga, and "So Hard" by Rihanna.

Ok, well, the Rihanna isn't exactly a gender switch situation, although it could be. I just think I could have made a much better music video. Her video for "So Hard" was "So Blah."

Day 27: What's the best thing going for you right now?

Is this the part where I cheesily say "Zee"?

Ugh. I hate being predictable...

But having someone solidly in my corner who is sexy, smart, amazing, and madly in love with me does my future look a lot happier. ;)

Day 332

Well, you knew it couldn't last. Today at work was terrible.

The highlight was my boss taking me aside to tell me that they had noticed I hadn't really been doing my job the past month, but that they gave me space considering the circumstances of Zee's departure and they were glad that I'm back on track now.

This was all wrapped up in placating phrases, like "We appreciate you so much," and "You have just spoiled me," but all I hear is that I am on thin ice.

Hopefully I can turn around from this and pick up the pace.

And I will admit, I have been slacking at work. I was feeling burnt out, exhausted, and exasperated. A huge "What the Fuck Am I Doing With My Life" was hanging over my head, and my mind was consumed with arranging this new life of letters, blogging, and packages. Work was the last thing I wanted to focus on.

But work has gotten busy and it's helped me to re-focus. That's good, right? I mean, it's less time to focus on Zee, which sucks because the prime "talk to Zee" time is in the morning when I'm at work. But... being fired would suck more, right?

My boss keeps asking if I'm happy at work. I keep lying and saying yes. I feel bad, but I can't not-lie either. The not-lie would be, "No, I'm not happy because I'm not pursuing what I really want to do in life, even though I'm not sure what I want to pursue besides writing. And while I'm not happy here, I can't imagine a workplace where I would be happier. Obviously if I could think of one, I would be there."

Can you sense my frustration?

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I already addressed this on Day 351, and I loathe repeating myself too much. Although it's bound to happen when I'm writing in here every day, writing letter upon letter to Zee, and writing marketing lines at work.

My favorite thing I've written the past few days was something for work, actually. It was perfect.

Better than mistletoe - try Sun Kisses at Breon Hair Salon! Just enough highlights to make your season bright.

Haha, corny and amazing.

And, to answer this day of honesty: yes, I have thought of suicide before. But never again. And especially not now when I have a beautiful girl across the ocean to live for.

Day 333

Oooh, 333. It just occurred to me that there will only be three of those this entire year. 333, 222, 111.

Day 333 was a good day. I got to chat through gmail with the most amazing girl in the world, I had a productive and busy day at work, a coworker I thought hated me said she appreciated me and didn't thank me enough, I worked out at the gym for an hour, and when I came home there was pizza in the oven. I didn't even have trouble waking up this morning!

Today was a miracle.

But now I am very much ready to go to sleep.

...after I read a few more chapters of Mars by Ben Bova.

Day 25: The Reason You Believe You're Still Alive Today

I am alive today because the higher power that be willed it. There are so many instances where I've almost died. Times when I should have. Times that left me gasping and in awe of my own mortality.

How did I come through all that alive and with so much to live for?

You could say fluke. You could say coincidence. You could say roll of the dice.

I say fate. I say reason. I say God.

Spargo, don't you dare dog me for mentioning religion or God again. I am allowed to be spiritual too, you know! I will be spiritual all over your ass. ...although, I'm not sure I like how that sounds.

Day 334

Today I feel tired. I feel stuffy. I'm not sick, but I feel as though I should be.

I feel like the days are passing quickly enough. But sometimes I feel shocked at how many weeks have passed.

Instead of expounding on different subjects, I will just say that being away from your loved one is extremely difficult, regardless of their reason for being away. And what makes it difficult, what makes it hurt, are the thousands of moments you want to share, but can't. Even the most amazing sunset is meaningless without someone to turn to.

Day 24: Make a Playlist for Someone

This playlist is for anyone who has never listened to Bollywood music and would like to give it a try. Here are some of my favorites - copied over from Wikipedia.

From the film Devdas:

1	"Silsila Ye Chaahat Ka"	Shreya Ghoshal	Ismail Darbar & Nusrat Badr
2	"Maar Dala"	Kavita Krishnamurthy & Kay Kay	Prakash Kapadia & Nusrat Badr

From the film Om Shanti Om:

1	Ajab Si	KK	4:03
2	Dard-e-Disco	Sukhwinder Singh, Caralisa, Nisha, Marianne	4:31

4

Main Agar Kahoon

Sonu Nigam, Shreya Ghoshal

5:10

6

Dhoom Taana

Abhijeet, Shreya Ghoshal

6:15

From the film Bachna Ae Haseeno:

1

Khuda Jaane

Krishnakumar Kunnath, Shilpa Rao

5:35

Ranbir Kapoor, Deepika Padukone

4

Jogi Mahi

Sukhwinder Singh, Shekhar Ravjiani, Himani Kapoor

4:54

Ranbir Kapoor, Minissha Lamba, Kunal Kapoor

7

Bachna Ae Haseeno

Kishore Kumar, Sumit Kumar, Vishal Dadlani

3:31

Ranbir Kapoor, Deepika Padukone, Bipasha Basu,Minissha Lamba

and featured in the film Monsoon Wedding:

4.

"Aaj Mausam Bada Beimann Hai (*) [Today The Weather Plays Tricks On Me]" (Performed by Mohammed Rafi)

Laxmikant-Pyarelal (*)

3:20

15.	"Chunari Chunari (**)" (Performed by Abhijeet and Anuradha Sriram)	Anu Malik (**)	4:08
16.	"Aaja Nachle" (Performed by Bally Sagoo feat. Hans Raj Hans)	Bally Sagoo	3:40

And finally, from the film Billu Barber:

1.	"Marjaani"	Gulzar	Sukhwinder Singh, Sunidhi Chauhan
2.	"Love Mera Hit Hit"	Ashish Pandit, Mayur Puri	Neeraj Shridhar, Tulsi Kumar

But what kind of Bollywood fan would I be if I didn't leave you with a music video?

Bask in the glory that is Shah Rukh Khan.

Day 335

Every time I count down a new day, I have this mental image of myself pumping my fists into the air. Do you?

A couple things today:

Was talking to a client today, and, out of nowhere it seemed, she asked if I was a writer. I replied that I would like to be a writer and am making efforts towards it. I told her about my blog, it's theme, and how I'm planning a book. We talked about the book some, and then she asked where my significant other was deployed to. I answered, "Afghanistan."

She replied, "Well, I hope he, or she, comes home safely."

Score one for recognition of gays serving in the military!

Also, I was very sad to realize today that I missed a call from Zee last night. I was heartbroken when she told me she tried to call - I didn't even get the voicemail she left! :(

I missed the call because of a rotten program called Rhapsody. It likes to glitch and freeze my phone sometimes, but I didn't think it was anything serious. I was listening to it because they have four of Eddie Izzard's albums, but even Eddie isn't worth missing Zee. Last night the glitch froze my phone so severely that I couldn't receive any phone calls - nor could my alarm go off. So I was almost late for work. Yay. That could be a story all in itself. In fact, tomorrow, I think I will tell that story.

Anyways, the moral of that story is Rhapsody Sucks. Don't Download It.

But, if you know what's good for you, you will download Eddie Izzard.

Day 23: Something You Wish You Had Done

I wish I had tried out for theater. I seriously regret having never auditioned. I know there isn't a time limit on something like this, but I feel like my life would have taken a very different turn if I had been on stage earlier in my life.

Can you tell I'm tired and don't feel like writing a whole lot today? Almost forgot to write in here, actually. I told Work to kiss my ass. It misheard and kicked my ass instead.

Day 336

Day 22: Something You Wish You Hadn't Done

This one was so difficult, I actually had to go to my mom and sister for help. Sure, I should regret that time I robbed the bank and left my mentally handicapped sidekick to take the rap...

...ahem.

I only regret the things I haven't done. Mistakes I've made, I realize in retrospect the positive repercussions. Things I've done that were stupid or careless I know are inconsequential and not really worth regretting.

I regret times I've been dishonest or hurt people, but, if I hadn't done those things, where would I be now?

Now, the people featured on Ugliest Tattoos really have a lot of regrets.

Edit 12/7/10: I take this whole post back. I do regret something. Yesterday I was going through my jewelry, and saw the necklace that Heather gave me. It was necklace that an ex had given her. She and I had traded "ex" jewelry so that at least the pretty things wouldn't go to waste.

The only difference was that mine was a ring that I had bought. It was probably the most idiotic decision of my life. I knew it was wrong as I was doing it, but I thought that I could save a relationship by proving that I was committed. Even though as I was still keeping an eye out for anyone who could potentially take her place. So... I bought an engagement ring. Ugh. The stupidity in that statement still hurts me. I can't believe that was me. I would take it back in a heartbeat if I could.

So, yeah. There's something I wish I hadn't done. It was a waste of money. A waste of a gesture. It was pointless. Just like the whole relationship. I can only be glad that the pretty ring is on the finger of someone who truly deserves diamonds, on the hand of someone who was brought into my life through that waste of relationship.

I guess that means that nothing in life is really a waste.

Day 337

I was thinking this morning about how my blog is technically from the point of view of a Military Girlfriend going through her first deployment.

Albeit, a Gay Military Girlfriend, but still.

The thing is, I don't feel the "Military" part. I'm not in a relationship with the Army. In fact, the Army and I aren't exactly friends right now. I'm pretty sure if I ran into the Army at a party, we would shake hands with plastic smiles on our faces. As soon as one of us turned away, we'd be scowling and wondering who invited "that person" to the party.

So this makes me wonder, what exactly makes a "military couple" or a "military spouse"? Where is the distinction? Are girlfriends as gung-ho for the military aspect of their boyfriends as the wives are of their husbands?

This is a topic for me to research, I think.

In other news, the DADT talk is heating up! Today was McCain versus Gates. It was a beautiful round where McCain made profound arguments, such as, "But we're at war! But...! But...! Our guys and girls are delicate flowers that can't handle extreme changes!"

And tomorrow they're supposed to be bringing in the heads of the different branches, who are stated as being very much against the repeal. We shall see, we shall see...

Today, I read a very nice summation of the report and the upcoming days. It mentioned briefly the questions that will have to be dealt with once DADT is repealed. I'm pleased to note that it addressed essentially the same concerns I noted in Day 339.

There was one argument, though, the opposing side proposed that just tickled me.

"[Repealing DADT is] tantamount to saying to women that you are going to have to share living quarters and private areas [with men]," he said, referring to allowing openly gay service members to share barracks and showers. "We don't do that today with men and women. Now we're going to ask men and women to do so with people who are admittedly sexually attracted to them?"

Ok, sir, see - the problem with this statement is that soldiers already are showering and sharing quarters, regardless of whether or not they are being held back by Don't Ask Don't Tell. And they are aware of exactly who they are showering and sleeping alongside. Go back to the report where 9 out of 10 said they already know people who are gay and serving...

Silly DADT Opponents...

Day 21: Scenario - Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

I am lucky in that I have two amazing Best Friends. And through all the years that I have known both of them, we have only ever had one "fight" each. Both were just misunderstandings that, once resolved, made us stronger than ever. That being said, I can say quite confidently that I don't see fighting with either of them ever again as a possibility. And even if we were to disagree over something, I know that it wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of our friendship. These guys are seriously the best ever. You should be jealous.

Day 338

48 Weeks to Go

Ok, it has officially been a month. Where am I at emotionally?

After a month, things are beginning to level out around normal. I think that my life will be hectic and "unnormal" because of the holidays, but adjusting back to life without Zee... Well, it's getting there.

Now that the majority of the can't-focus hurting is behind me, I'm worried about other things.

For instance, intimacy is very important in maintaining a healthy relationship. How can you keep that aspect of a relationship alive when you're literally on opposite sides of the world? All the letters in the world won't change the awkwardness of seeing the person you love for the first time in six months. (5 months away...!) Is there any way to help that? Or will we find ourselves in a hotel room thinking, "Sooo... What do I do now?"

Couldn't we just text or something?

See the end of this post for extra awkward.

I also worry about how much can I demand from Zee. Her days seem to be pretty filled with work, exercise, and a healthy social life. Oh, and it's filled with a war zone. We mustn't forget that, right? So what's a reasonable amount of attention to demand? She already writes me every day (which is the highlight of my day), and then there are other occasional emails, and then a phone call once or twice a week. I shouldn't be greedy!

But then I'm in the break room at work, and all the girls in there are calling their boyfriends, husbands, significant others, and I get jealous. I want to call and check-in for no other reason than "just cause." I want to get off work everyday happy because I know I'm going home to the girl I love more than anyone else. I want her every day and all the time. And I had that, so going down to these few points of contact... It's rough.

And what's the worst is that I feel like a complete sappy crybaby.

Which I am not.

I figure this is what it's like for most everybody.

Day 20: Your Views on Drugs and Alcohol

Well, I think we've already established that I'm a bit of a slushie. Wine and beer can be my best friends. ...I think Heather's the wine and Spargo's the beer.

And as long as I don't start turning to alcohol habitually as a way to solve my problems, I think I'm okay.

As for drugs, I'm against them. The only thing I'm okay with is marijuana. Even though I don't prefer it myself, I view it almost as other alcohol. As long as you're of age, I'm not going to judge you.

All other drugs, however, are stooooopid. I don't see the point of so seriously messing with my body. I find the risk to be too great.

Pictured: Awkward

Day 339

It's the last day of November. Do you know what that means?

Only 11 Months Left!

And it only lasted forever.

Things are getting better, though. So I'll take my small blessings where I may. Blessings like her ridiculously over-sized sweatpants that wrap over my poor, freezing toes.

I finally turned the "heat" on today. However, I really don't want my electricity bill to go up, so I'm keeping the 'stat set on 68F for now. Thank goodness for hoodies and judicial use of space heaters.

Day 19: What do you Think of Religion? Politics?

Well, I think I summed up my religious beliefs rather well on Day 341. Succinct and profound, if I do say so myself.

As for politics - they make my head spin. I would love to be more involved in them if I only had the extra 40 hours a week to devote. There are so many aspects to policies, laws, and relations - it seems like a single person could never get a firm grasp on what is only the tip of the iceberg named Politics.

And so I don't really try or care. And I choose to not care because I care too much. Instead, I focus my attention on little things that are big things for me.

Such as, the Pentagon's study decided that removing DADT won't hurt the army.

Duuuh.

Of course, some people are still flipping out, saying that the only questions asked were "how do we remove the policy?" and not "should we remove the policy?"

Those people are jerks, said many important people.

My favorite points of the study:

"More than nine out of 10 troops said their unit's ability to work with someone they thought was gay or lesbian was very good, good, or neither good nor bad."

"'I think a lot of people think there is going to be this big 'outing' and people flaunting their gayness, but they forget that we're in the military,' one service member said. 'That stuff isn't supposed to be done during duty hours regardless if you're gay or straight.'"

"'Separate facilities would in our view stigmatize gay and lesbian Service members in a manner reminiscent of 'separate but equal' facilities for blacks prior to the 1960's,' the report states."

- cnn.com

Now, as my beautiful friend Heather has said, one of the biggest issues of DADT being repealed is what is going to be done about housing. If you recognize the validity of gays to serve in the military, then you have to recognize their rights to family and homes. So, do you assign housing to gay service members and their partners?

They have stated that it will not be addressed yet, and that's fine by me. One step at a time, after all.

Heather's concern is that, eventually, housing will be abused. After all, what's to stop a couple of single soldiers from claiming to be "gay" just to get out of the barracks?

That only thing is something that can stop two straight people dead in their tracks -

Marriage.

Oooh, yeah. How far will you go to get the benefits of marriage?

And, people, don't think that there will still be housing abu-- oh wait. ...I'm not sure... but... Is it just me, or do military folk get married a lot? I personally know the stories of a girl or two who married into the military just for the free ride and a chance to score a Hawaiian vacation.

Anyways - that's off topic. I just wanted to point out that gay people aren't any more likely to suffer through marriage than straight people. After all, we're just like you, only... more... gay?

Back to the scene. Once the Powers That Be realize that marriage is the only way to solve a hell of a lot of confusion, Sir Patrick Stewart will be hired to say, "Make it So."

"Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra" never sounded so amazing.

At this point, marriage for gay couples would have to be federally realized, and finally the decades-long struggle will end.

Of course, this is the natural progression in the Overly-Optimistic World of Kindle. In reality conservatives and Bible-bangers and haters and all-sorts will be dragging their toes in the sand, begging people to not commit sin against God, even if those people don't believe in God.

I'd rather live in Overly-Optimistic World of Kindle. Wouldn't you?

Day 340

Day 18: Your Views on Gay Marriage

I had a whole essay I was prepared to write, but then my grandmother was hospitalized and things were looking really bad. Needless to say, my day's plans were derailed.

Instead, I would highly recommend these two documentaries I have recently watched on the issue. If you have ever had any doubts about the validity of gays and gay marriage, these two movies should change those views. If not beautifully made, they do at least portray real people and propose all the arguments that need to be heard world-wide.

Tying The Knot One Nation Under God

Day 341

I love talking to my girlfriend. Few things make me happier. Which is odd, considering she's not much of a talker. I guess that's why I feel extra special when she talks to me.

I like feeling special.

Anyways, talk to her, knit, and watch Psych is all I've done today. And I think that is a successful Sunday. Oh, except for the part where I watched the Titans v. Texans game. That broke my heart.

Day 17: A book that changed your views on something

At least, I think that is what Day 17 is supposed to be about.

For this, I would have to say The Life of Pi by Yann Martel.

It was required reading my senior year of high school, and I've been trying to convince my mother to read it ever since. I've also been trying to get her to read The Egyptologist by Arthur Phillips, but that has also been unsuccessful. I'm beginning to think that my mom disregards all of my suggestions. The Cracker Barrel Thanksgiving is the first suggestion of mine that mom has taken to heart in years.

Anyways!

This book is fantastical and dramatic, but I have found some of the most whimsical books to be some of the most thought-provoking. In this instance, the main character, for the entire half of the book, is recounting his life, and part of his recollections is how he discovered religion. He starts out as Christian, but through life encounters he assimilates to other religions as well.

What was fascinating was how, when he took on Islam, he didn't stop being Christian. He became of the Christian and the Islamic faith. He also began to study a third religion (that I can't remember off the top of my head, probably Judaism), and all three religions are considered polar opposites. His family gave him shit, saying that you can't believe in more than one religion. But in the book he argued how they were all compatible. Religions don't conflict except where followers hate other religions for not calling things by the same name.

It's kind of like how the French despise tourists for not speaking perfect French.

This book is where my mind first started opening to the possibility. It wasn't until I was listening to a tour guide give me the Idiot's Guide to Hinduism in a dark bus driving through the streets of New Delhi that it really sank in. The religion he was describing to me was essentially the home-grown Christianity I'd been raised to. A little ad-libbed, sure, but the basics were all there.

It was a beautiful, shining moment when I realized that God is God is God. I saw religion as something as fluid as a language, but as solid as communication. I saw God as this mulit-dimensional, infinite, diverse being who knows humanity and its cultures and adapts accordingly. This might sound like a "Yeah, Duh" moment, but it was an astounding personal revelation. Christianity is Islam is Judaism is Hinduism is Buddhism is any other major religion.

Except Confucianism. That is technically a philosophy.

The Life of Pi has started a journey for me. Now I know that if I want to fully understand God, if I want to really build a spiritual relationship, I have to approach Her/Him/It from all sides. You don't hire someone after looking at one resume. You don't base friendships off of one commonality. You don't love someone for only one aspect. Why would you worship someone through only one religion?

Day 342

Day 16: Something you could live without

Periods. I hate them.

Also, daylight savings. Perfectly useless.

In fact, periods are useless too. I hate both.

I mean, come on! I don't want to give birth, so these organs are not being put to use. What is the point then of going through this painful and inconvenient cycle every month?? The answer is that there isn't one.

And daylight savings might have been fine when we were a predominantly agricultural society with limited access to electricity and artificial light. But now service based industries are the majority in our economy and 24-hour stores are convenient life-savers. Why do we still keep with the outdated and useless tradition of changing our clocks twice a year?

...probably for the same reason that we keep with the outdated and useless ideals of "marriage" and "one man and one woman."

Day 343

Posting early today because I'm not sure if I'll be in the mood to write later! My friend Zach is coming into town, and we are going to paint it red! I haven't had a night out since Zee left, so I'm a little excited. Especially since Zach is more of an alcoholic than I am, so, if I ever had a drinking partner, he'd be it.

Day 15: Something or Someone you can't live without, because you've tried living without it

Zee, Zee, Zee, Zee, Zee. It's only been three weeks, and I can feel her absence in every aspect of my life. Suddenly there's this void everywhere I go. Then I look back on my life before her, and I see all the emptiness. But I look forward, and I see a world of possibilities, a home, and love, and I want it - I want her - more than anything in the world.

Two halves of an better whole.

Day 344

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Today has been a wonderful day. To start, I was able to talk to Zee twice, so I've been happy as a loon. Next, we had wonderful food, egg nog, pie, christmas movies, and naps.

I could be super cheesy and spiel about how grateful I am for my loved ones and expound on how I'm extra thankful for those serving overseas.

I mean, this is a blog about me missing my girlfriend during her deployment.

But everyone does all that. However, I'm too tired and lazy to try and think of something original and creative.

Day 14: A Hero That's Let You Down

Not even possible. Batman has never let me down. We are currently obsessed with stories about "every day people" who decide to become "super" heroes and right wrongs. Think Kick-Ass, The Cape, The Green Hornet - and I'm sure there are others I can't think of right now.

Everyone has forgotten about Batman. He is the original. Not a single super power. Just money and the ability to choose all the right smart people to build his really cool shit.

Go, Batman!

Also, I love you, Zee. :) I'm very proud of you, and I can't wait to have you back safe and sound!

Day 345

49 Weeks to Go

I wish all my days without Zee could be like yesterday. Productive and full of happy Zee moments. Today was just exhausting and confusing. Is it because the holidays are so near? Is it because we haven't spoken voice-to-voice in almost a week? Is it just a bad day in general, filled with stupid girl hormones?

I don't know. I've been happy to sleep and waste away in front of the television today.

Happy isn't really the right word.

In other news, I have apparently taken up knitting again? Mom had a friend of hers over for dinner last night, and they started knitting. Suddenly it looked like so much fun, that I went and grabbed a scarf I started five years ago and never finished.

I actually finished it last night.

Despite some kitty interference.

Zee has asked for a hat for her little cold head. Even though I have never attempted anything more than a scarf, I will try for her. It might be the ugliest thing ever, but it will be done! Because it's very hard to say no to her, especially when she's so far away.

She also made a correction to my last post - Zee actually loves Indian food very much. I was incorrect in saying she tolerates it. But I will hold that she more than anyone has to put up with my weird obsessions, and it's just one of the many reasons why I love her.

Day 13: A Band that has gotten you through hard times

You know, as much as I listen to and love music, I find it really difficult to choose just one band that I feel has really affected me. Music accentuates my mood - it doesn't inspire it.

If you want to know something that has helped me through hard times, look no further than these bad boys:

No matter how stressful the test or bad the day, I could come home and escape into a world where everyone kicks ass and does (usually) the right thing.

Oh, and music played in the background.

Hmmmm... Maybe that's what I need tonight...

Day 346

Today was a big day for me and Zee!

One: Zee got promoted today! Goooooooooooo, baby! Moving on up! Apparently there is a ceremony that goes along with it, and there was video taken that she will forward on to me whenever she gets a copy. I am very proud of her and excited to see it! I'm sure she looked gorgeous and so bad-ass, as always.

Two: Today is our Six Month Anniversary! Yes, yes, we've been together "only" six months, but these have been very momentous months. It feels like the time has flown, but as though we've known each other for far, far longer. That's probably because we have, over the months, addressed some very important life issues and have been honest and frank with each other. The time we spent together was blissful and fun, but there was this definite sense of us, building a relationship and actively working on making a future.

It didn't take long at all for me to fall in love with her, and not much longer to realize that she is definitely the one and only for me.

I sent along an anniversary card in her birthday package, and I am sending a blanket now that I kinda consider a present. But hers was so much better. She put together this beautiful picture slideshow/video of us, set to "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars, which is the song she associates with me.

It was perfect. It made me laugh. And it seriously made me cry the good kind of tears.

The rest of my anniversary day was spent cleaning house. I completely overhauled the bathroom and kitchen. My hands hurt now....

I got some happy things done though! I bought more stamps and stationery for writing Zee, and then I bought frames for hanging up photos of Zee and I. My bedroom is prettier now.

Today is a happy day. :)

Day 12: Something You Never Get Compliments On

My complete and utter love for Bollywood. It's one my tastes that gets groans from friends and family both. Even Zee has asked what it is about Bollywood that I like.

Only my sister understands, and I think even she would complain about how much I listen to Bollywood in the car.

I listen to it so much that I can recognize the elevator music versions that play in Indian restaurants.

But I am fortunate in that Zee, my family, and my friends all love me enough to tolerate my obsession. And especially Zee for willingly going to eat Indian with me on several, several occasions.

Day 347

Happy Birthday to my little sister, Hannah! She's 18 freaking years old!!

And she's a sweetheart who grabbed me cold presses for my aching head yesterday and fetched me water and put on Say Yes to the Dress.

She's adorable.

Day 11: Something You Get the Most Compliments On

My looks, I guess. Which is sad. My best feature is one that's going to suck in 20 years? The funny part is that I don't invest in my looks all that much. I'm thinking about maybe looking into modeling as a way to make extra money, but I never wear make-up or jewelry. I'm so far from high fashion, I couldn't touch it with a diplodocus.

This diplodocus is all that stands between me and the runway. Damn long-necks.

Now, I know I'm awesome. I'm intelligent, insatiably curious, reasonably talented, and fairly ambitious. But these aren't the things that get noticed. People rarely say, "Wow, Kindle, you are so smart. I love your opinions."

But on the rare occasions that I do get complimented on my brain, I blossom with happiness.