Day 217

I've just enough beers to set my emotions on that tender precipice where I feel everything with perfect clarity and where I feel everything too much.

It's a nice place to be until I tip over into "feeling too much."

At work, my boss keeps asking me, "Well, are you excited??"

See, they've absolutely guaranteed my week off for Zee's R&R. And that's awesome.

But they don't give anything for free. They make you pay in guilt trips, their own martyrdom, or in your gratitude.

And apparently, I'm not acting excited/grateful enough to suit the magnitude of their gift to me.

So every day, she asks me, "Ooh, how excited are you??"

And I smile and say, "Very."

Then I go back to work.

I'd like to know how y'all react.

Heather said she reacts in much the same way as me.

I described my feelings this past week as such:

"yes, I'm excited. But I'm also pouting because I want her here NOW. They {my bosses} feel they deserve me jumping up and down screaming , "YAY, ZEE!"

I'm sorry. I just want to go home.

I want to lie in bed, read a book, and watch the little countdown on my phone.

I want to clean and fix my car.

I want to call the cabins to confirm our registration.

I want to buy shoes to go with my dress.

I want to pack my clothes next to hers.
THAT'S my excitement."

I'm ready for her to be home, if even for a little while. I'm desperate for the her warmth and her smiles. I'm not meant to be without her.

So I am excited. But my excitement is that focused calm, where you can only see the end in sight, and you don't want to blink for fear of it disappearing.

Btw, if I suddenly disappear for, like, seven days - I haven't died. I'm simply kissing and loving my girl, wishing I had more than a week to soak her up.

But seriously - Am I weird for not doing cartwheels? I think the day of I'll be nothing but jumping jitters, but right now I just have to get through these last days. Heather says that's quite normal, but I want to know what it's like for y'all as well.

Day 303

Today's blog post comes to you courtesy of Zee!

When my laptop kicked the can back during the summer, I didn't worry about it too much. I had netflix for my movies, and I could catch up on Facebook at work.

But recently with the writing bug biting at my heels every day, I've been feeling the pains of not having my own computer.

Zee has been feeling it too, some, I guess, and she bought me a netbook!

Red, cuz it's extra stylish.

And since it has a webcam, I can look forward to seeing Zee's pretty face long before her mid-term leave! (She is camera shy and refuses to send me a picture.)

So I am in tech-heaven right now. With this, knitting, and my new Professor Layton coming in the mail tomorrow (Yay, Christmas!), I'm not going to be short on fun things to do!

I am happy to report that the plague has left the South!! This time two million fish died in the Chesapeake Bay. Scientists say the fish should have migrated to warmer waters, but they were lazy and stuck around just long enough to freeze to death.

MediaIte claims it's the Apocalypse... Purely because that's more interesting.

Day 304

I want to kill my brother.

Why?

Because his birthday was yesterday, and he turned the big 21. And he insisted that I drink with him.

Can you imagine why I want to kill him?

Work has been pure torture today. Cross-eyed exhaustion, nausea, sensitivity to smell, and a required homage to the porcelain god.

More birds have died, this time in Louisiana. And this time there are a variety of bird species who have kicked the bucket.

The video I watched on CNN - and have linked - was actually a little upsetting, because they kept playing video of dead birds being ran over by cars and - even worse - little birdies who were near death, just panting on the side of road.

So all the birds are being taken to labs to see what the eff is going on.

Freeeeeaky...

Zee and I have decided on what we're doing for her mid-term leave! And I'm SO SUPER EXCITED!!

We're staying here!

Because of my job, I can't take two weeks off for an international vacation. Instead I'm eking out a very long weekend to spend with my girl. And she had the great idea of going and staying in a cabin!

So we'll take a drive up to Gatlinburg to stay in the mountains, soak in hot tubs, take hikes, and eat delicious food.

I am so excited! Time can't go by fast enough!

Day 305

First I want to say that things are improving with Zee and I. Communication has been a lot better this week - mostly cuz she's bored as hell and has decent access to some office-place-thing-something where she can chat online with me and occasionally call me for 10 minutes at a time.

I have to say, I am at my absolute happiest when I'm talking with her. And not just talking, but debating (arguing?), reasoning, compromising, believing, trusting, daring, and feeling. I walk away feeling full of purpose, and when we talk next, it's always better than the last time.

And maybe it's feeling so much better now because we've gone to unlimited communication to the few minutes here and there. But regardless, I love it. I love her. I love us.

In other news...

Has anybody ever heard of anything like what has been going on in Arkansas???

Thousand of birds fell from the sky. Almost 100,000 fish washed up on the shores.

Now, this trips me up, because only Red-winged Blackbirds fell from the sky - almost all at once - on New Year's Eve/New Year's Day.

And only Drum Fish washed up on the shores on a river in Arkansas.

And HOW does that happen??

Scientists are conjecturing that lightning or New Year Fireworks could have killed the birds.

Ok, sure. Fireworks. Lightning. Fine.

If it were lighting or fireworks, wouldn't that have affected all birds in the area? How did it affect only that one flock that was apparently thousands strong??

And what is the likelihood of not even a week later, a hundred thousand fish died - but only one kind of fish! They're saying it's disease that caused them to die.

Ok, sure. Disease. Fine.

But, again - what is the likelihood of a hundred thousand fish contracting the same fucking disease and dying overnight that no other fish caught.

Now, I'm not worried about God smiting us all. And I'm not worried about some crazy disease or M. Night Shyamalan-like scenario.

I'm just worried about whatever the fuck Arkansas is doing wrong, because they are right next to Tennessee.

If they are fucking shit up, it's likely that we are next.