Day 264

I'm back and better than ever!

Yes, I do apologize for my disappearing act due to exhaustion yesterday.

But after a full night's sleep and almost four hours of

Sunday Skype Date

with Zee, I am feeling refreshed and ready to kick some question's ass.

With that said, let's not wait any longer for theeeee.....

Final Lesbian of Love!!!

(for now)

Still wish they were gay...

First Question of the Day:

Why do some lesbians want women who look and act like men? Why not just date men?

Well, you know how some men are straight but effeminate?

And you know how girls can fall in love with them?

Then you could ask them the same question:

"If you like an effeminate man, why not be with a woman?"

The true answer to that question is the fact that GENDER and SEXUALITY are two practically non-related things.

You can be very much a lesbian, and be very much feminine.

You can be very much a lesbian, and be androgynous.

You can be very much a lesbian, and be very masculine.

These same three states apply equally to all four sexualities:

heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, asexual

What determines the physical body you are attracted to is fairly straightforward.

You like boobies, you like pecs, or you like both.

Or you like none.

But when it comes to which GENDER you like, I personally believe it gets a little more complicated than that.

It's my opinion that genders attract like the yin and yang. You want light with dark, hard with soft, feminine with masculine.

Feminine With Masculine.

Not Female with Male.

We get this male/female ideal because of an idea that is perpetuated in our society. Heck, it's been passed down through the centuries.

If you have a female body, you must be feminine.

If you have a female body, you must be attracted to men.

If you are masculine, you are attracted to girls.

If you have a male body, you must be masculine.

Now obviously, this is soooooooo not true, on any level.

But I do believe that if you identify yourself as feminine (regardless of your body), you are more innately attracted to a masculine personality. This is where true balance lies in relationships. Not in the male/female, plug-the-hole kind of way.

And with this in mind, you can mix and match gender and sexuality as much as you like.

Remember Betty from The Rugrats? Phil & Lil's Mom?

She's definitely a masculine, heterosexual female. To balance her, she needs a feminine, heterosexual male.

Enter Howard, Phil & Lil's Dad.

Polar gender identity + Identical Sexual Orientation + Appropriate Body = Compatibility.

More or less.

It even applies to me and Zee.

Similar sexual orientation, appropriate bodies for our orientation, and complementing gender identities allow us to have a fully compatible relationship.

this topic is something I've thought a lot about and have done some reading into. Because of my passion for the subject, I know if I go any longer, I'll inadverdently make this blog the most long-winded in history. So I'll stop here.

I'll pretend you're thanking me for sparing you.

Question Dos:

Can lesbians have sex on their periods?

No one that I can think of has ever actually asked me this question.

But I always know you're wondering it.

So I'll go ahead and answer it.

Yes.

It's simply a matter of mathematics.

You and your Lady Lover are not going to always sync up.

Each period lasts about a week.

Each month.

That's, at worse, two weeks out of the month where someone is on their period.

Can you go without sex for two weeks each month?

....

Ok, obviously we can and do. Stupid deployments.

But do you like going two weeks without sex??

So Lesbians still have sex.

Sometimes there are unspoken rules. Such as, no fingering because I have a stupid tampon shoved up my innermost parts.

But I've known some lesbians who were more than comfortable - once flow was light enough, I suppose - to go sans tampon and have sex as usual.

I personally have never ventured into that particular world of exploration, but, depending on how bad I was jonesing for some serious loving, I could see myself bending my own personal unspoken rules.

Also, I once had an entire call center weirded out with this one statement.

And it amused me then.

And it will still amuse me now.

Yes, we do still go down on each other, even when we're on our respective periods.

Gross out if you will, but I promise it's not blood and guts like you're imagining.

But if you're grossed out, then I've done my job and I'm very, very, very happy.

I'm immature like that.

I hope I have adequately answered your questions. :)

Day 268

Thank you for checking out my first day of the Lesbian of Love! But we've got a few more days left before Valentine's Day!

So if you have any questions you've always wanted to ask a lesbian (but felt it was too awkward), please send them to...

{{ kindle.rouse@gmail.com }}

All questions will be kept anonymous.

To answer the question left by The Lady in my last post:

No, I never did any Roadhouse Line Dance, but my wifey and milspouse blogger, Heather, did teach me how to give an awesome Roadhouse Yeeeeehaw for Birthday announcements!

And now it's time fooooooooooor............

The Lesbian of Looooooove!!

These next questions (and tomorrow's as well....) were submitted by an anonymous comedic best friend.

1.) Is it true that, when two lesbians have sex by scissoring, their mutual climax smells like Strawberry Shortcake and causes a bunny with a bandana to ride through the room on a Welsh corgi while "Is This Love?" by Whitesnake plays?

This could be true...

But we'll never really know...

Because Lesbians don't scissor.

"WHAT?!?!?" you ask. "NO SCISSORS?!?!?!"

"Say it's not so!"

It's true, folks. The concept of "scissoring" is one created by males to try to visualize how in the world lesbians could possibly have sex.

Every lesbian (having heard of scissoring) will likely try it once.

And, really, just once.

Because once is enough to tell you that it doesn't really work.

And even worse than that - it looks and feels awkward.

And doesn't sex have enough potential to be awkward on its own without adding scissoring to it?

The answer is yes.

2.) Being lesbians, I'm sure you often use toys for your sexual exploits. Is there some sense of emasculation or satisfaction you get from using a phallic device or strap on contraption? Does this, in a sense, give you the sensation that you are male for a moment?

Not gonna lie. Toys are fun. They aren't necessary, but they definitely can give a lesbian couple options.

They can give straight couples options, so ladies! Go check them out! :D

But there is something I'd like to address here. Often the question is posed - if you don't like guys, then why would you want to use phallic toys?

My answer to this is, just because we don't like dudes, it doesn't mean that our plumbing works any different.

This doesn't mean that all lesbians enjoy penetration, per se, but, if there is to be penetration, we prefer it to be done by a person with curves, boobs, sweet-smelling hair, and girly-bits.

Not a smelly boy.

But, back to the question, I do not think it gives me any sense of "maleness."

Not to lesbians, at least.

Maybe to ladies who are wanting to trans-gender.

But I, at least, have no desire to be a guy.

Potential TMI

so stop reading here

In fact, I can just barely look at dildos in real life. I want them felt and used, but not seen or heard. If I see one, I start blushing and giggling and feeling... well, awkward!

And no way in HECK will I ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever use a "life-like" dildo.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww.

I like my dildos to be purple or pink or blue, and I like shiny and sparkly!

If they can look like they just appeared from outer space, that would be wonderful.

And who can feel "masculine" when they have a pink, shiny/sparkly stick bobbing between their legs?

Speaking of...

If I'm wearing a dildo, I don't know whether to laugh or cringe.

Or stand there awkwardly, thinking, "Um... what do I do with this again?"

I hope this has adequately answered your questions. :)

Day 300

Whoo! 65 Down!

All this exercising has had me thinking about my body image and my gender image.

In terms of my body, I realize that I've been a hypocrite these past couple months. I say, "Oh, I just want to be healthy. If I had to run for my life, I'd like to know my heart isn't going to give out on me."

And while that is true, if I didn't start losing inches around my waist, I would be very, very disappointed.

And maybe that's because my mental image of being "healthy" corresponds to an image of a slimmer me... But maybe also it's because I've gained more weight working at this salon than I have during any other period of my life.

Now, in terms of my gender...

I hate being wussy at the gym. This was on my mind a lot last night because, in order to work out the full 60 minutes I'd laid out for myself, I had to speed-walk a lot of it. And I'm that bitch that always looks down on sorority snobs who go to the gym to walk. Heck, any girl who wimps out at the gym - if I see you, I'm making fun of you in my mind.

Now, I am a girl. It's a fact, and not one that I will ever dispute. When someone asks me, in a philosophical sense, "Who are you?", the first thing that pops to my mind is "Woman."

But I tend to have a negative view of women.

How horrible is that?

This is the essence behind my "feminism." Throughout almost all of history, women have been considered second-class, stupid, inconsequential, and property. This is a view that has only started to change in the past 100 years in the USA alone.

Now I don't believe that my negative view of women is because of the imagery that is inculcated into our media.

I look down on women who - in my mind - perpetuate the stereotype. Stupidity, weakness, lack of goals, prescribing to the idea of the woman as the main tender of the house and caregiver.

In fact, if I see another damned commercial about some household product like Lysol or Windex with only women in it, I might scream! Who decided that only women know how to or should do the cleaning?

It did occur to me the other day that perhaps boys aren't taught to clean by their mothers. I've seen the favoritism my grandmothers have shown my uncles. I've seen the favoritism my mother has shown my brother - though it is slight - and I see that this "male worship" has been so ingrained that we unthinkingly don't train our boys and girls equally from birth.

Anyways... This is why I struggle with balancing my innate femininity with my outraged feminism. For instance - I like to dress up, so I vocally support men's rights to wear make-up and dresses. Tit for tat, yeah?

But when a friend calls, and I'm cooking or knitting (or in any other way acting domestic), my friend instantly - and rightfully - starts to make fun of me. Because for years, these "womanly" things are activities I have loudly disdained.

Am I changing? Is this a form of nesting I am going through? Or am I just growing up and learning to run my own home - as any member of a civilized society should?

And how is all of this going to affect my relationship with Zee?

If you took one glance at us, you would immediately think that Zee is the dominant person in our relationship. She's in the army; she has that soft-butch look that makes my knees weak; she's brusk and to-the-point. I dress colorfully; I'm outspoken; I'm squealy and excitable.

But there are many ways in which I am the more dominant (or "masculine") partner. And then there are instances where she's more dominant. It's a give and take. But one instance of where we are the opposite of what you'd expect is the topic of childbirth.

I have told Zee more than once that I am not going to be vessel by which some alien enters the world. I don't want the morning sickness, the cravings, the stretch marks, the kicking, the aches, the hospital room and check-ups - no way, Jose. Oh, and nine months without drinking?? Are you kidding me?

Zee does not feel the same. Essentially the only reason she would refuse to get pregnant is because she feels she has abused her body. (I highly dispute this fact.) And she feels - and this slightly exaggerating - that a mother's body should be a pure and perfect receptacle for the child.

So how is it the girly femme doesn't want to give birth, but the Army soft butch would be glad, if only her body were fit?

I feel like as Zee and I travel through our life together, we will continue to find these gender paradoxes. And perhaps through being with her, I can come to understand what it means to be a woman, stripping away all the preconceptions and the stereotypes, leaving only the simplest and truest definition.