Day 169

I'm waiting for my moment to come

I'm waiting for the movie to begin

I'm waiting for a revelation

I'm waiting for someone to count me in

Cuz now I only see my dreams in everything I touch

Feel their cold hands on everything I love

Cold like some magnificent skyline

Out of my reach, but always in my eyeline

I will come back and finish this post later. I have errands and then work and then my brother coming home and then sister's graduation tomorrow!

I've often said the only constant in my life is change.

I have this thing where I get antsy when I stay in one place for too long.

I start to see that I am forming a routine. I notice that I am becoming comfortable. I start to imagine myself one, two, five, ten years down the road, in the same place.

And I have a panic attack.

This whole scenario applies to jobs also.

As a result, I haven't worked anywhere longer than two years.

The two-year record was made at Salon Visage in Knoxville. I absolutely loved my job there, loved my co-workers, and loved my friends. As I approached the two years, I knew I could see myself settling down into the company. I saw myself ten years down the road, still working at the salon, still living in Knoxville, and pretending to be satisfied with the small successes I made within the Visage Company.

I knew I had to get out of Knoxville.

But I've had a new kind of experience that somewhat relates to all this.

Remember I had the second interview for the writing gig?

Yeah. I went to it. I looked amazing. And I threw myself under the bus.

The Boss-Guy was talking about how he wanted someone who would grow with the company. Start from the bottom and work to the top. That scenario, you know?

I immediately knew this was not what I wanted.

I want the gig where I go in, get some "professional" writing experience, and get out.

Now, usually, I say everything I need to in order to get a job. I can follow up on my promises, no matter how much I may have bull-shitted them.

This time, however, I was flat-out honest.

"My girlfriend is in the military, and we probably won't be here more than a year from now."

Signed, sealed, delivered.

I'm not yours.

So I feel as though I'm back at square one.

I still don't have that great writing opportunity wherein I finally pursue my "dream."

That's why this song means so much to me lately. I feel like I'm just waiting.

I'm waiting because I'm not sure where to go.

So I'll keep on picking up every year or so, and I'll go to a new job or a new place. I will continue at this pace until I find my direction.