Day 182

Woooow, I've never come so close to forgetting to update before.

I don't have internet here, so yay for smart phones!!

Tonight I'm chilling in what I call my "home town," even though I only lived here four years. I was an AMAZING sister and agreed to drive my sister two hours west so she could go to prom with all her old friends.

I don't mind driving. The only issue I have is an entire evening spent alone in our house. Especially since that serial kidnapper just hit up our county. Eek!!

I'm distracting myself with Star Trek Tech and Say Yes To The Dress. And figuring out this new blogging app.

Did I say I was distracting myself? Because that's very true. I can't focus on this.

I apologize.

Day 183

I'm not sure why I'm so tired.

But this whole "not-having-a-job" thing is hard work!

It only confirms that I do not want to be a housewife.

Nor do I want a housewife.

I want a maid.

one of these will do

But never fear! Jobs loom on the horizon!

I had an interview today, even, for a full-time writing job.

If I got the job, the part I'm most excited about is the prospect of listening to my music while I work. This means Bollywood 24/7.

We'll see. I still have to go to a second interview.

I already know what I'm going to wear.

Now, excuse me, if you will. As I said, I'm feeling tired and I still have to do the dishes.

Since I'm the only person in the house without a job or school, I'm expected to do all the cleaning and cooking.

Which is why I could not be a housewife.

Day 184

The other day, I had a not-so-fun conversation with Zee. I want to update and say that we had a VERY good conversation the following day.

This whole thing is something that a very small percentage of couples have to deal with, but relates to something all couples have.

Family.

With gay couples, family is extra-complicated.

Now I have been very blessed with my wonderful and amazing mother. Even though she disagrees religiously, she has never once stopped loving or accepting me.

In fact, when I came out to her, she was more upset that I had told my father before I had told her. I tried to explain that I wasn't as worried over my dad's reaction as I was her, but I don't think that mattered to her. But, oh my, it mattered to me.

See, when I first started understanding my sexuality, I began having the worst panic attacks. I have so many poems from high school where I tried to work out all that I was feeling. And all those poems boiled down to one message:

What is my mother going to think?

I was petrified of losing her respect, losing her love - just losing.

And that's something Zee's been going through, only even more so.

She doesn't want to come out to her family, but she feels that having me in her life makes that impossible. If nothing else, she feels guilty because one of the first things I said (...literally) on our very first date was that I don't want to live in the closet.

I mean, come on. Have you read my blog? Does it seem closety at all?

Well, I told Zee that I am very willing to make compromises for her family. I mean, I already have. I didn't have sex with her until our last day in New York because we were staying with her grandmother! If that's not compromise, I don't know what is. ;)

But all jokes aside. After that one rough conversation, I felt like she might choose her family over a relationship with me. And as much as it hurt to feel that way, I couldn't blame her. I couldn't be angry. I couldn't act like I don't understand.

Family is important.

But this post is to say that we had a conversation that made me feel very good. I know - and I never doubted - that she loves me, but it feels good to know that she's choosing me. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that, when (if?) her family finds out, they'll be far more loving and accepting than Zee predicts.

P.S.

Kicked butt on the M'Aidez Challenge today.

Thank you!!

M'aidez Challenge

4,535

An increase of 1,206!

**fistpump**

Day 185

It really irritates me when people accuse me and "my kind" of "misinterpreting the Bible to suit [our] own needs."

On the one hand, it irritates me because I know I can't argue with people who say this.

Purely because I know they won't listen.

And on the other hand, it irritates me because they're WRONG.

.one.

If we are talking literal interpretation

then Hell No.

I have not interpreted anything, let alone misinterpreted anything.

In fact, the interpretations I've read

you know, when studying the Bible

were done by Biblical and Theological scholars.

To this day, I have never read an interpretation or a study done by a homosexual scholar.

So my conclusions have all been learned from straight, educated people

with no other agenda other than learning more about the text.

.two.

Most often I have verses thrown in my face containing the words

"sodomy"

and

"homosexual."

.......

Does ANYBODY quoting these phrases realize that the words

"sodomy"

and

"homosexual"

did not exist until the 13th and 19th centuries, respectively?

Hint: These dates are long after the entire Bible was written.

And if you actually study the history and the language surrounding those verses, you will see that they are not condemning homosexual sex. They are condemning acting outside of your gender and station.

For instance, a woman should never be on top during sex

because that emasculates the man.

Obviously these verses got eyes rolled at them, by and large.

.three.

Obviously the people who throw these quotes at me get their information from a second party, just as I do.

However

in my personal opinion

my sources constantly question and delve into the past to see it as it was.

In my personal opinion,

many pastors

not all

but many

accept the status quo that they were raised to

and are afraid of change.

So they continue to propagate these

MISINTERPRETATIONS

as if they have been handed down by God, untouched.

***Edit***

M'Aidez Challenge

3,329

I'm definitely not doing so well on this challenge....

Day 186

Once again, I'm slacking on my writing. See why I need help?

Today I met Julie, of When Your Feet Don't Touch the Ground.

And that was good.

Today I had a rough conversation with Zee.

And that was bad.

Take a WILD guess as to what affected my mood more.

***Edit***

M'Aidez Challenge

3173 Words

I faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail.

Day 187

One - SIX MONTHS LEFT! HALFWAY THROUGH! THANK GOD!

**ahem**

Two - I'm starting my M'Aidez Challenge Today! However... I'm so hungover I can barely think. I slept all day, drank a lot, and held down food. I'm going to shower and see if that helps any. I'll do some writing in the middle of the night (I've already outlined what I want to get written tonight), and I'll update this post with my word count. Sound good?

Three - Tomorrow I'm meeting a fellow blogger, Julie from When Your Feet Don't Touch the Ground! How exciting!

And that's all I've got for today...

I think my "hangover" label gets too much use in my blog...

***Edit***

M'Aidez Challenge

3173 Words

Day 188

I have a semi-new project.

And I need support.

Because I SUCK at completing projects.

I tend to be a lazy-ass who procrastinates.

I promised Zee that I would have a novel written by the time she comes home.

I am waaaaaaaaaaay behind schedule.

Like, if I want to have 50,000 words in 188 Days

I have 47,000 to go.

So I am going to try and power my way to being caught up!

To this extent, I'm starting a project I will call

M'Aidez

or

May Day.

:)

Starting May 1 (tomorrow)

Until May 30

I will write as much as I possibly can towards my story.

Every day in my blog, I will give an update on my new word count.

Here in Tennessee, I have my sister who has volunteered to be a general nuisance

and kick my lazy butt into writing.

But if I can have your lovely help in kicking my butt

that would be appreciated too.

:)

As of today, before my challenge/project, I have

2,291 Words

which is just a little shy of my total....

So please cheer me on for the month of May!

Thank you in advance!!